just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
