the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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