Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
