Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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