make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
