You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
