I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize