while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
