I feel like abortions should bother me more
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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