i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
