If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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