i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
