Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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