I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
