You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
