Just mADE A PArabola og urine
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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