i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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