I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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