I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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