I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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