I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
