Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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