i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
