You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
