I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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