Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
