I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
