you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
