If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
