I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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