Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
