we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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