The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
