do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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