i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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