Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
