dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
