walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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