i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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