Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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