you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
not ubering you a puppy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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