We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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