He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
