Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
