He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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