you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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