some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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