she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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