I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
