Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
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At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
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Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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