At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
