He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
