youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
