I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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