dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
