trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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